My Life is A Drama Free Zone

Dare I go back to Live Journal?

I'll admit, sad though it may be, I've actually been tossing that particular idea around a fair bit. Particularly after yesterday or the day before, my web host rather inadvertently fubared its own network setup, thus knocking me, and probably the rest of their network, temporarily offline. I'd keep the domain name of course, and email and whatnot would remain relatively intact. I'd just, uh, do all kinds of moving this blog to a subdomain, forget about updating it anymore, and go all LJ on this here website. Yeah, thought about it. Thought rather long and hard about it, too. For all of about a half second. Maybe one of these days I'll randomly decide to do so. In the meantime, this pointless entry brought to you by uh, I have no damn clue.

Oh nos!

Terminator wasn't kidding! Roughly translated: dood, step away from the crack pipe.

Peoples should update their blogs.

I needs me some somethings to read! I'm looking specificly at you, Allison, Stacie. Yeah, that's right, I'm naming names today. Mwa.

Now there's a random search woops.

I think Google may have had a momentary laps. A Dell technician in India has, apparently, stumbled across this entry while looking for a solution to one of I'm sure a meriad of Sympatico related problems. Particularly surrounding Windows Mail. Now, uh, don't get me wrong–I like the attention, but that's got nothing to do with that particular entry. Oops. Ah well, hopefully it's the same idiot I was talking to shortly before writing that entry. Now there's open feedback for ya.

This blog turns 2 today!

And somehow, I've managed to actually fill this thing with more crap than I ever knew existed. How I do it I'll never know. Of course, this entry also doubles as an excuse to delay bitching about a rather cold, and rather moronic, bus ride this morning. That and the background of why it is I'm back riding third class shall be revealed when I get around to it. Suffice it to say though I'm still not really warmed up from it yet.

Bad things happen when you can't sleep.

For instance, you spend 3 hours before you have to go to work getting rid of a couple hundred spam comments on your blog. Or maybe that's just me. That's also a distinct possibility. Spammification sucks.

Canadians interested in a US election?

Only so far as, say, they stop screwing with my country. I've never been a fan of Harper's cute little relationship with Bush, and the sooner we lose both of them from their respective offices, the better all around methinks. I'd even settle for another Clinton taking office if it meant they kept their politics on their side of the border. A little harsh? Well, possibly. But that's me. Can't say it wasn't entirely unexpected. Unless of course you don't know me at all. At which point you suck.

This is where I check out.

I have no idea why I think of about 3/4 of the things I do. But apparently some random part of me finds it amusing. I will seak help immediately.

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Winter storm warning for: City of Ottawa">
Someone tell me they can see why I seriously thought about the possibility of not going to work today. Although granted, the predictions were worse yesterday. It's still nothing anyone should ever have to be out in, never mind have to go to work in. Bleh.

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I think I'm managing to come down with my first winter cold. And a week before Christmas. Go me. At this rate I should be half dead by new years.

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I thought we were supposed to suck this year? The team I'm beginning to love to hate has started pulling themselves together. And I was just beginning to accept another season of golf…

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Conrad Black officially makes less than me. According to this storry (thank you, CTV), he'll be making 12 cents an hour in prison. See, I'd complain, but what expenses has he got there? His food and housing's paid for. Besides, he made enough money breaking the law, he can afford to lose some following it.

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If anyone ever has to know why it is I absolutely despise vista, just try and set up file/printer sharing. You will pull your hair out. I nearly wanted to… thank god today's my Friday. Oh. My. Lord. Good thing I'm not easy to piss off.

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Another spyware call. Another bloody mac user/windows newbie. Wonder how long I can drag this call out before people start pointing fingers at me. Anyone taking bets?

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And lastly, mother nature, please and thank you kindly, stop it with the freakin' white stuff. It's bad enough I get to freeze my ass off on the way to work. Again, bleh. Nature sucks.

Would you pay to tube?

Techdirt saves me from being completely and totally bored out of my frickin frackin mind! Talk of the prospect of paying for YouTube content has, quite possibly again, made its presence known. And to this, I can only say… um, why? If it's on YouTube, it's because people don't *want* advertisements. Or maybe that's just my messed up opinion–that's a possibility, too! I know fer sure I'd avoid it like the plague if they stuck ads up there. Hell, I might be tempted to launch my own video site. Or at least get all my hillarity from BitTorrent. Kinda like I already do most of my TV watching. Oops, did I say that outloud? Quick, call the MPAA–lock me away before my horrible horrible influence spreads! Too late.

And sometimes, you just have to be amused.

As much grief as I tend to give the OC Transpo folks, occasionally, I'll come across something that almost makes me wish I ended up getting that particular bus driver more often. Of course, if this actually did happen on one of the routes I take on a nearly daily basis, there's a very good chance I have–the only bus driver on that route I ever heard singing, though, was some foreign dood who has the unfortunate predicament of being a Montreal Canadians fan. But, it's a distiinct possibility. Just one minor gripe, though–he does not have the voice for the song he chose to sing. Either that, or I'm just biased against that song after hearing the original. That's a possibility, too. Worth investigating. Later.

You know you're from Pembroke when...

A while back I did one of these entries about Ottawa, and… well, I left out that other place I lived. You know, the one I was all unemployed and lazy in. As… opposed to the employed and lazy I am now. But… meh. Corrected and such!

You know you're from Pembroke when: 1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on hwy 17
2. "Vacation" means going to Ottawa for the weekend

3. You measure distance in hours

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once

5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day

6. You use a down comforter in the summer

7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching

8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

10. You think of the major food groups as deer meat, fish, and berries

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Beer Store any given time

13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow

15. You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas

16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

18. You actually understand these jokes…..

Edit: oops.

Apparently, I somehow managed to completely and totally fuck up the html for this entry. Woopsydoodles.

This guy's on more crack than certain relatives!

I blame Trish for introducing me to the material of Jeff Dunham. But only because the hillarity factor makes up for just about every crappy show I've watched in the last year. This clip in particular. But that's just my twistedness coming out.

WARNING:

May not be work appropriate. Clicky the linky at your own risky!

Edit:

Apparently, it doesn't want to work as a flash object on this here website. Bastard. So you'll be going here instead. Sometimes, I hate interwebs technostuff. Just sometimes.

Search term randomness?

Someone actually found this thing by searching for 'kerpoof'. what. The. Fuck? someone tell me I'm not the only one who uses that word. Please?

My Senators hatred has reached england!

Thanks largely to a google search by one apparently overseas Sens fan–poor sucker–that landed him on my wonderful little Senators suck page. Is this what world fame feels like?

Note:

the Sens *do* suck. We're not counting the fact they beat my team twice this season. By one goal. In overtime. the first two games of the season. Not at all. They suck. Accept it.

Hard to believe, but I changed it up a little just last night.

And already, this website's new title has landed it on the front page of this Google search. Not quite what I was doing it for, but… hey, like I'm gonna complain. So why'd I change it up? Okay so maybe only one of you cares. Oh well. This suits me more. Oh, I'm still politically incorrect–that won't go away. But, as I've said multiple times, both on here and in person, I maintain a strict no drama/nonsense/stupidity policy. Just thought that needed to be more blatantly advertised. Because, y'know–there are those who just don't get it. And I'm too lazy to swing a sledgehammer.

I just made this company $500.

Which, roughly translated, means… absolutely jack for me. Yay workin' for the man! One of these days, I'll work for me. One of these days. Possibly. Nah, too much work. Just hit me up with another bonus or 6.

because 2 weeks is long enough.

Of course, when you do as much in 2 weeks as I've somehow managed to do in *this* 2 weeks, yeah… it's long enough with no updates. Let's see… where best to start. Vell, I could always start with the usual, easy routine of what had me so busy that I couldn't post to the thing. but… well, that'd take up all of about a sentence. 'Cuz, well, when the highlight of your little bit of time away is getting absolutely soked beyond all repair at the ex, there's not that much of an essay to be written about it. Not that it wasn't still fun–anything that results in making Trish's poor husband nearly lose it is entertainment for me. I'm sorry, was that… um, too mean? Ah well, whatcha gonna do? I'm gonna… well, I guess I'm gonna sit here at my desk and wait for a call. That's what I'm gonna do. And… curse the people for whom I work for stiffing me on a computer. Y'see, I took one of these, customised the absolute hell out of it, threw in a few fancy toys just so I have something to do when I'm bored, and had it shipped to my apartment. Where it promptly wouldn't turn on. I figured it'd be the mobo or power supply, but… eh, I got the max on warranty, so I was gonna use it to the fullest. fortunately mister probably outsourced technician from India agreed with me, so it got set up for a return real fast. And will be returned in… about… um… oh, 5-10 days. Not that it bothers me all that much; everything else works. It's currently sitting in my room right now, hooked up to my ever faithful but still slowly dying laptop. Which makes it sound a whole hell of a lot meaner than it actually is. Not that it wasn't mean when I got it… but… eh, that was like 3-4 years ago. It's a kitten now, in comparison to the potential monsterness of some fo today's systems. and the monsterness of the one currently, um, not working. Stupid computers. If it wasn't for the fact their breaking keeps me employed… okay, I'm over it. And now back to our regularly scheduled taking of calls. Which… just for the record, I haven't actually done since I got off lunch. Granted that was 10 minutes ago. But still. When I get home, and if I don't forget, I have politically motivated pictures to display. And a picture that should have been a bit more threatening than it actually is. Not that I'd know anything about picture quality–I'm going by the opinion of the girl holding the camera. Surprisingly, I'll trust her opinion on a lot of things before most people's. Setting myself up for difficulties? We shall see. Granted she *is* family, but so far… she and I are proving to be exceptions to the family rule. In just about every category. They hate it. I love it. It's all good. And… that's why they hardly call me. But, y'know, you don't hear me complaining about that one. If you ever do, please shoot me.

Why...

… do I start to develop coldlike symptoms after being at work for 4 or 5 hours or so? Inquiring, and slightly irritated, minds want to know.

Now there's a baseball game I'd love to watch.

30 runs scored, and not for the home team. Texas 30, Baltimore… a grand total of… drumroll please… 3. Oh. My. Lord. Not since, and I feel shamed to admit it, Toronto lost 22 to 2 15 years ago did we see something like that. And not since the 1800's before that. Or so history's quoting us, at least. Um, ow. I'd feel bad for Baltimore, except–um, they're in the same division as toronto. And anything bad for them has gotta be good for toronto. If I tell myself that often enough, the same might hold true for the Leafs. But we're not talking about them. Not until October 15th. Or sooner if the withdrawal gets to me.

My cable versus satelite predicament or: the only truely evil thing about living in ottawa.

When I shoved my entire life into boxes and got the hell outa Pembroke way back in December, I acknowledged then that my hockey watching days, unles I wanted to convert to being a Senators fan, were either over or extremely, extremely numbered. Which, naturally, pissed me right the hell off. But, the job was here, the paycheck was here, and considering my schedule now–hello, night shift–it probably wouldn't make much difference anyway. Still, I had thought I was pretty much S.O.L. because the land lord didn't want us putting up satelites and whatnot. That whole securing things to the building thing, and all that jazze. Then I find out I can, just as soon as I go over to the office and sign some stupid piece of paper or something that basicly says I won't try to stick it on the roof. Not that the thought still won't cross my mind to try anyway. So now, it's not what to do since I can't get satelite–it's do I even want to pay the higher price for it, and which semi-monopoly do I want to support? Although, the second question will probably be answered when I figure out which higher price to pay and subsequently answer the first one. At the moment, my choices–neither of them pretty so far–are to give even more money to mother bell, who already has my landline and internet money (Rogers uses Bell's phone lines anyway and I will *not* get cable internet), or Star Choice, who I had living with my parents, but the nasty rumor mill tries to warn me they're expensive as hell. I dunno–I didn't pay the bill the last time I delt with them. Or, I could always just stick with the other evil empire (read: Rogers), and put up with the fact they refuse to offer the channels I'm looking for in Ottawa, which is IMHO about the most ridiculous thing out there–but that's a rant not suited for this non-ranting entry. My choices, of which there are so precious few, are also at the moment… quite crappy. And… quite dependant on me getting off my lazy ass and signing some "I'll behave myself" document. Heh. The idea of me behaving myself is amusing. No snickering, people who know me. That is, unless you're thinking the exact same thing I am–you will never know, for I will never tell. What I will do, though, is… contemplate maybe actually signing that stupid piece of paper. After I make some phone calls. Which I'll do later. Translation: ain't nothing getting done now on that front. So the point of me writing this entry was… oh yeah, right. There was none. Oh well.

Things I didn't know: She's a year older than me?

I practically grew up watching 'Full House'. Well, okay, so I can't think of anyone my age who didn't. But even so, I had no idea Jodie Sweetin was pretty much my age. And… already, she's been married twice, adicted to meth, and… um, God only knows what else. That's the cellebrity life for you, I guess–just ask Britney. Hm, I wonder… do those two talk?

Oh. Damn.

This makes my work day. Oh yeah. I am now good for the next 4 hours of my shift. Suh. Weet.

Warning:

If you've never heard of Ventrilo, this may or may not be slightly amusing. On the other hand…

You've received a postcard from a family member!

I got this in my email now at least… um… I'm gonna say, uh… twice. But I don't have any family members who'd send me postcards–particularly not from Hong Kong. If the email says whatever.hk, it's not any family of mine. On the bright side, I know how people are managing to deliver viruses and crapola lately. The prospect of a tech support guy finding this in his email is, uh–amusing. Or maybe I'm showing the fact I've been here way too long. That's a distinct possibility. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? I'm gonna go back and pay attention to this call.

He's a vulcan, that simple!

Man undergoing surgery found to have green blood. Shweet. Star trek turned reality. I approve of this.

Happy June! 'N such.

This is what happens when I can't come up with a more creative title. But… who's counting? Ordinarily I'd be up to my eyeballs in calls… but… thank the gods for system outages, now it's "we're updating, call back tomorrow". And I get paid to just sit here and be all kinds of cute. Or… at least… all kinds of lazy. Lazy is good. Coffee is good. I have no coffee. Entertainment is good. And speaking of entertainment…

Recently the following undocumented Windows 95 error codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet.

WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old Windows licence is not valid anymore.
WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the
virus will be activated again.
WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50.312.583 Bytes available

Exposed! Now the mystery of the later operating systems has been uncovered! Too bad they didn't do much better with the ridiculousness of the OS's until XP. Ahem… *cough cough* I'm getting paid to say the exact opposite. But if you're reading this blog, you probably weren't on the phone with me as a Dell employee so… um… deal with it.

Yes, I was bored. Again… blame the fact I can't actually help people with 95% of what they call me about. Go tool outage!

You know when you're from ottawa when...

It's only funny because 90% of it is true. Except I used to be on the wrong end of number 2.

You know you're from Ottawa when…
You think that 613 is the only area code that exists and HATE having to dial it to call people now

You talk to people from other cities about shawarma and are mystified when they have no clue what the hell you're talking about

There was a point in time (or it is that point in time right now) when you wished you were 18 so you could drive, cab or bus to hull to get alcohol

You've been to "The China Store" in hull

You think Stittsville is the end of the universe

You've spent more then 4 days in one week at Rideau

You've waited 30 minutes for the OC transpo only to realize it came fucking early? Like, what the fuck is that?

You remember when the Scotiabank Place was still the Corel Centre, or better, Palladium

You've partied on Parliament Hill on Canada Day

You remember going on field trips to the museum of science and tech. every year of elementary school

You've travelled and waited for over half an hour just to get into Zak's Diner in the Byward Market

You can spot Spartacat out of a crowd of 19,000 people

A winter without going skating on the Rideau Canal just doesn't seem right

You have an irrational hatred for those ass holes in Toronto and everything they do, have done and will do

You've been to, and therefore fallen asleep at, a lynx game

You've thought that free 67's tickets were the best thing you could ever possible win, ever.

You're bilingual… or at least you can parler Franglais

You eat, sleep and breathe the Super Ex while it's open

You've swam in Mooney's Bay and had to shower for 2 hours afterwards to get that filthy, filthy water off of you

You don't flinch when asked if you want to eat a beavertail

You've been at the top of the peace tower and thought you were amazingly high just because nothing else is allowed to be taller then it

You've cheered for and a year later, booed Alexei Yashin

You remember the Roughriders, and wish the Renegades would come back

You've watched for yourself on Speaker's Corner on CHRO/The NewRO/A-Channel/Channel 6

You've seriously considered swimming in the Rideau Canal on one of those 30+ degree summer days

You remember a time when Patrick Lalime was kinda good

Everyone you know has some sort of story about how Alanis Morissette babysat their cousin's best friend's dog's original owner's son-in-law

You realize that MPs are you local celebrities

You swam in one of those sky blue concrete pools as a kid

You've ever been warned of the dangers of the "South Keys Swarmers"

You've taken the O-Train and wondered exactly why they ever built it

You wonder why Bluesfest is even called Bluesfest. Who knew the Black Eyed Peas could sing the blues?

You remember that Tom Green used to be funny

You know what a Dep is, and only go there for one thing

After just missing the 95, 96 or 97 you complain about waiting for the next one that comes in 5 minutes

You've been to a movie at the World Exchange Plaza, and regretted it for days

You complain about the lack of snow but only a year ago, you were complaining about too much snow

During grade school, you were warned about "The man in the white van."

You have at least one "Woohoo!" towel

You know that the women on Dalhousie Street, aren't just "friendly."

The word Vanier strikes fear into your heart, in fact you duck and cover any time you hear it

You've been to a parade that only consisted of a few emergency vehicles with banners, some people marching, and Kool FM/Hot 89.9 van

The dreaded Ice Storm combined with the teachers' strike made 1998 the best school year ever

You listened to 101.1 XFm, 93.9 KOOL FM and remember when the New Hot 89.9 was still new

You're pretty sure that the corner of Preston and Somerset is the only place in the world where China and Italy touch each other.

You learned French back in grade 1 from Dimoitou et ses amis

The only reason you would ever consider reading the Sun is to see if the Sunshine Girl is hot (don't lie to yourselves)

You remember RJ's Boom Boom Saloon turning into the Liquor Dome, whose days of serving alcohol to minors ended when it turned into Capital City music hall, which after a few David Usher and Massari shows turned into… well, condos.

When you've never been in Place D'Orleans. In fact, no one has ever been in Place D'Orleans, Ottawa or not…

You remember the amazing breakfast at the Golden Griddle before it turned into a Hooters and now some pub or something

You've ever heard someone at school yell "shag" or "shawg" or however the hell it's spelled

The Sens earned you some free pizza

You ever go out of town and the headlines report "Local Group Protest's Ottawa's Decision." Hold on, guys! Don't blame the whole city!

You hear the Tulip Festival is coming and can't wait to see the concert line up! …Queen of the Netherlands? Who the hell is that?

You've been thanked for your garbage in a shopping mall

You've been cut off in traffic by a car only to realize they had a Quebec plate.

You've gone to Herongate Mall only to realize you need to kill more than 8 minutes.

You actually know who the Capital Prophets were.

You constantly complain about the lack of good bands that come to town because they always skip from Toronto to Montreal.

You're fucking pumped for the Stanley Cup final! Go Sens Go!

Yes, go. Go very far, far away. And take the Canadians with you.

Just how awesome is my boss?

I've been off the phone for the last like… 5-10 minutes, conveniently 20 minutes before my shift ends, to update my timecard for lack of a better thing to call it. I've no intention of going back on the phone, and even if I did… I leave in 5 minutes. I'm so not getting a call between now and then. I love my job… way too much. Is that a bad thing? Hm… I think not. Correct me if I'm wrong, o'course.

Getting things done on my own schedule could be a bad thing.

I tend to take my time doing it. Example: it's quarter after 11 and I'm blogging. Meanwhile, there be dishes in the sink, vacuuming that needs doing, and eventually, garbage that needs to be going out. Could be an all day event at this rate. But at least I can drown out the neighbors doing it. Yay for decent music! … I have too much time on my hands. Somebody stop me.

Hey look, an update!

There's a whole hell of a lot to update yall on, and I have no idea when my next call's coming in, so let's see how much I can cram into a small piece of downtime.

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I never noticed teenagers were quite that whiny when I was one. And, well, I know for a fact I wasn't the slightest–I was too busy not really caring. I bused to work last week, like I almost always do, and wouldn't you know, some chick decided to pick that particular night to complain about the bus schedule, and how the bus was taking too long to get here. Keeping in mind it was about 20 minutes at most. Now, just for comparison, had it been, say, sunday–or, say, good friday (rant on that one to come later)–there'd of been an hour, count it, an hour, between buses going where she needed to be. And I, personally, did *not* want to listen to her cry about it for any longer than I absolutely under any circumstance had to. It was bad enough the bus she was taking just so happened to be the bus I was taking. First thing that came to mind: call a wambulance. I run that route daily–get over it. I did.

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Okay, next up. Parents who want to name their daughter 'Metallica' (link to come when I get back to the computer that has it)? What. The. Fuck.?!?! I'm sorry, but um, ignoring the fact that's almost off the wall as naming your kid 'Legacy' (I've seen it), their excuse for doing it is pretty flimsy. "The name suits her" and "There's already someone with that for a middle name" wouldn't fly with me. It doesn't make sense… it's like me saying I should be allowed to let my 6-year-old drive because people do it in Texas. And your point, exactly, would be… what? One jumps off a bridge, they all jump off? News flash, folks. "Because they're doing it" is what gets kids to smoke. I almost question their parenting skills at this point.

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Why, oh why, dear lord, do you insist on surrounding me with idiots? It's just not fair. People in Ottawa have got to learn what "I'm blind, not an invalid" means. No, fellow passengers who apparently don't know better, "I know where I'm going" does not mean "Please, grab me by the arm and attempt to drag me off the bus". My trip home on Friday morning velry nearly resulted in someone losing their arm because, put plainly and simply, they didn't listen. I don't like people who don't listen. They make my head do hurty things. Hurty things are bad for me.

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It's April. It's baseball season. It should not be raining on Tuesday, snowing on friday, and freezing most the week. Spring has sprung, for crying out loud. Winter's on vacation. Extended. Preferably permanently. People get all uptight about global warming, I say bring it on. No freezing while waiting for buses. Suh. Weet. How can anyone be upset with that? You're all on crack, you are. All of you. I know none of you. None. Environmental issues be damned. I'm sick of freezing. MWA!

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Disclaimer: If you buy any of this crapola, you belong in the category of moron. I will personally make sure you get there. And send a public farewell with you.

... Oh my shit.

It's sites like this that really try their best to save the american people. Or maybe it's because I haven't been to bed yet… but these people border on amusing. It helps that in the one I'm listening to right now from their list of podcasts at least 95% of them are currently… uh, wasted. And… apparently… can't sing. Oh. My. Poor. Ears. Okay, that's enough of that. Next dose of entertainment…

Insanity: my life summarized.

A whole shitload's happened since I last had time to breathe, let alone post here, so I'll try to squeeze it all into the half hour I have to write before my shift starts. Lessee… where to start.

It would have been so much less confusion with a phone call. But, o'course, Purolator doesn't think quite that far in advance. So they showed up with one of my presents to me from me on Saturday morning, presumeably between 9 and 10. When, of course, I was already on my way here. Which meant now I had to reschedule the delivery. Good job, morons.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. An average of 30 minutes of downtime may be boring, but one call after another non-stop except lunch break and meetings? Brutality. All manner of brutality. Breathing time would be awesome.
And again, at least one bus driver needs to be educated on how to follow instructions. I think I end up getting dropped off at the wrong stop more often than not lately. Ah well, on the up side if it happens a couple more times, I'll be able to walk home from any nearby stop on Baseline.
Ladies and gentlemen, even if you do not like the Bare Naked Ladies' music, go to one of their concerts. Tickets for the Wednesday night show cost me $60 a pop before taxes, and I'm telling you right now the crap that went on between songs was pretty damn near worth the money by itself. Or maybe that's just because they made fun of Ottawa a little. That's always good in my books.
And again, to the individual(s) who decided to turn off my hot water, can you pretty pretty please go right to hell? Thank you and goodbye.

There was more, but I forget. If I think of it later it'll get posted. Maybe.

Things I didn't have time to blog about, a list by me.

I can blame being surprisingly busy in spite of having 3 days off for this. That said, this post will not have any particular point… except perhaps that I finally got around to doing it.

I finally graduated training… yay! Apparently someone thinks I'm qualified now to start taking phone calls. Fools.
On a 3 day weekend, do you think I can just take one of those days and do whatever? How about… um… no? Came home Friday, then had various minor things to get done on Saturday, then packed up my crap to come home Sunday, then figured out how the hell I'm getting to work tomorrow this afternoon. Fun stuff, really.
I don't know *exactly* how cold it was this afternoon, but oh my freaking god if it got much colder I'd be spitting ice cubes.
Murphy's law has done it again. I get done figuring out exactly where I'm going, get inside, make supper, *then* the snow removal folks drop by to clear out the parking lot and such. Good timing, guys.
My parents' place is actually quiet when my brother and his fiance aren't there. Who knew?
And lastly… what the fuck? You let a guy into the US, in spite of the fact he's loaded with weapons, just because he has a US passport? So much for border security, folks.

That's about as much of a summary as I can give you, 'cuz… well… absolutely nothing else happened worth noting. Welcome to my boring life as a Dell employee. By boring, I mean you don't wanna hear about what we learned in training. I didn't wanna hear about some of it.

I get way too much email.

I'm not even home yet and I have over 200 to go through when I get there. And that's still… about 3 hours away. Oh le cruddles.

Training shifts, they are a killer.

But, since I have to be up at this insane hour anyway, I steal something from Stacie's blog.

1. I get about 1 telemarketer phone call on a daily basis.
2. I never call anyone after 11 at night.
3. I never call anyone before 8 in the morning.
4. I don't screen my phone calls via caller ID.
5. I really should call my mom more often.

That killed about 3 minutes. Time to find something else to do before work.

And on that note...

I would just like to point out I have now managed, somehow, to cross the 500 entry plateau. There's something to be said for having little else to do. And it only took me… about a year or so.

Writing tips, for the aspiring author in you.

Pilfered shamelessly from Alyson, but primarily because I'm too goddamn lazy to actually write anything.

Writing Tips
1.    Do not get side-tracked. If onions are the most consumed vegetable in the world, why are fire engines red?

2.    Avoid starting sentences with a non-specific pronoun. It is not a good way to begin.

3.    Prepositions are words you should not end sentences with.

4.    Avoid clichés like the plague. Now ain't that the pot calling the kettle black.

5.    Keep away from ampersands & abbreviations, etc. within the body of the text.

6.    Parenthetical remarks are unnecessary (and should be avoided).

7.    It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8.    Contractions shouldn't appear in your paper.

9.    Foreign words and phrases are not apropos or chic.

10. Like most people, one should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Mark Twain once said: ''Quoting the witticisms of others only shows the lack of quotable wit."

12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it is very excessive.

14. Profanity sucks.

15. Be more or less specific.

16. Understatement is always best.

17. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

18. Can I use one-word sentences? No.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be avoided.

21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid jargon or gibberish.

22 Who needs rhetorical questions?

23 Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.

24. Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.

25. And never start a sentence with a conjunction. And, but, and or will not get you very far.

Does somebody maybe kinda wanna tell me why?

Okay, so… I can understand older people wanting to at least look younger. But when your 30 years old, or thereabouts, it *probably* isn't a good idea to be trying to make yourself look good with your hair done up in pink elastics. At least, not to the extent where you're trying to rival some of my cousins. Sure, you can make yourself look younger… but… 6? Seriously? Even for Pembroke that's overdoing it me thinks.

Essays on blindness, and other random things.

It's bloody amazing the things a person can find out when they're not actually doing the work. A friend of mine (that's how you shall be referred to on here 'til you tell me whether or not I can use your actual name, hun, sorry) was doing an essay for a college english course, and the topic was blindness, and whether or not it should be considered a disability. Now, admitedly part of me kinda suspects she picked that topic because she had a bit of an unfair advantage, but hey, whatever works. Well, in going through the essay with her, kinda helping her to correct it before she handed it in today, I discovered something a little surprising, and a little disturbing. In the span of maybe a week, she'd not only found a fair bit of information I knew about and used on a daily basis, but she uncovered a few things I pretty much had no clue about. Now, I dunno if that says more about her research abilities or my questionable ones, but… still. The essay must have been a good one, if it managed to teach a blind person a thing or two about blindness, no? It was *her* essay, for *her* english class, and I think in some ways, I ended up learning almost as much as she did. That's not fair! I haven't been in college now for damn near 3 years…. I dun wanna start now! LOL

And now, I go finish getting ready to go to a cousin's birthday party… *mutter mutter mutter* 20 freakin' years old, and she's still been reminding everyone for the last week and a half that her birthday's today. Did she expect 50 screaming kids and a birthday party, perhaps? I guess I aughta make a showing, anyway. Since it sounds like not many people are gonna be doing that. Mm, maybe I'll get lucky and at least one other person will have the hockey game on that I'll be missing otherwise. Why couldn't her birthday be on Tuesday…

Nothing to say here. Move along.

An obligatory update, in which I basicly say nothing. Because it was all said at like 1:00 this morning. And after hanging around my usual blog reading haunts, I'm finding little else to say–except, that is, that some of you people need to blog more. If I can manage 3 and 4 posts a day (today is the exception, remember?), then dammit so can all of you. Gimme somethin' to read! … Okay I'm over it now.

The things we talk about on a Saturday afternoon...

So an IM conversation I was involved in somehow got onto the topic of whether or not a blind man could actually own a car. How that happened, or why, is still anyone's guess. But, in doing so, I discovered something perhaps too glaringly obvious about the system that regulates vehicle ownership up here. There's more goddamn red tape involved than you can shake a stick at. Thank the gods I don't drive…

How'd that happen?

By what must be a grose miscalculation, this little randomly opinionating spot of mine has somehow managed to attract over a thousand unique visitors so far this month. That's… um… well, I suppose that's a good thing. O'course, they don't come much more unique than me! *cackle*

Okay, I'm done. For now.

Good news, bad news, obvious news...

Good: yesterday's snow fall did not stay. Thank the gods.
Bad: It's still cold as fuck out there.
Obvious: In spite of it being cold as fuck out there, these two muts of mine still need to be encouraged to come inside. These dogs are fucking retards.

I have to find something to do today. This should not amuse me.

I've found me a new toy!

Now, let's see if MT will play nice with this new toy… hm. Has anyone ever actually used Blog Desk? If so, opinions?

Update:

I've decided it's not worth my time. It's doing bad things that invalidate my HTML… I do enough of that on my own!

Wherein I discover I am influencial.

I didn't expect she'd actually do it. But, she did. And now, I think I need to do some musical research. Eh, later. I'm lazy.

The guys' rules...

Shamelessly stolen from Erin, who shamelessly stole it from someone else, so it works! Yes, these are all numbered 1. Yes, it's done on purpose. No, I'm not changing it.

1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem . See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine… Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Oddly, there's a few of these that don't apply to me…. but I make up for them more than enough with my own opinions on things. 'Cuz it's what I do.

But I don't get nervous...

So why am I about the interview tomorrow? I mean, only a little… but… eh. Still. Nervous is not me. I think it's a lot to do with the fact it took, like… 2 months to get this far, but I dunno. I'm not worried about not getting this job, I mean someone thinks I'll land it if they already went out of their way to make arangements so I could get their computer assessment thing done, which the HR person makes sound like it's just a formality anyway. Ah well, we'll know in about… 28 hours whether or not I bombed the interview completely. In the meantime, I'm going to distract myself. If you have no clue what the hell job interview I'm talking about, look at the calendar entry for that date (that's why it's plastered on the site, after all), or read back through these entries. And now, I turn my attention to figuring out why it is a country band will go and remake a song that's less than 10 years old. Random, yes. Blame the station I'm listening to.

This should not amuse me as much as it does.

In fact, I should probably be a little frightened. Two of the seven currently recorded searches for this month that lead people here are merijuana, and medical merijuana. I blame it all on this entry. But at least it's not, you know, death to america or something. Apparently the government watches for that in people's blogs now. Oh, uh, oops.

Wherein I learn I still have good timing.

I can play around with my guitar for 20 minutes or so, and by the time my fingers get to hurting (Yes, they still hurt after only 20 minutes–I am a wimp.) the dogs will have decided they want in. Proof I can still have something of a hobby and still look after the little ones. And that I have too much time on my hands.

Things you learn whether you want to or not...

No matter how well trained the dog, if s/he doesn't want to come in, s/he isn't going to come in, no matter how much quieter it would be outside without him/her barking at random neighbours, neighbours' dogs, neighbours' children, and passers by on the street, or any combination of the 4.
In the event you can actually get said dog in (see: bribery), you will have until the next neighbour,neighbour's dog, neighbour's child, or random passer by catches his/her attention to *keep* him/her in the house.
Upon successful bribery, said dog will park his/her rear in front of the counter while you produce some type of food, healthy or otherwise, to compensate for the enjoyment you have deprived him/her of by not letting him/her bark at the above mentioned people, places and things or combinations of them. Toys will just not do.
Dogs are remarkably similar to children, when you remove the barking at the already twice mentioned and once referenced people, places and things. You may now question whether or not you want children. Though the cuteness factor may sway you one way or the other.

I need more things to do during the day.

Wil Wheaton says it best.

I've slammed Bush on this thing and in person (no, not in person with him, regretfully) several dozen times. But no one does it quite like mister Wheaton. And I know he isn't slamming Bush just for the sole purpose of slamming him, but I do have to agree wholeheartedly. George Bush isn't a lot better than the terrorists he's supposedly fighting. And, unfortunately, our beloved Prime Minister, who I've also slammed on this thing more than a dozen times, is dragging Canada down along with the US. But, I'll just shake my head, and move on to reading the next blog, because to be blatantly honest, I didn't vote him in. And if it were up to me, he'd still be looking for a job. But it's not, so I'll just wait until next election, and hope there are more than a handful of people who want a change from the usual liberals versus conservatives bullshit that's very slowly screwing us over. Heh, and I don't even read this guy's blog just because I happened to see him on Star Trek. Although now that I mention it… I wonder if he RP's.

Well, it would seem I was right.

Completely by accident, though. But, who'd of thought the Washington Post would agree with me? I should mark that down somewhere.

And now, cat alergies are no excuse.

For the modest price of somewhere in the neighbourhood of $4000, you too can have a cute, cuddly kitten, minus sneezing. Of course, for that price, it'd better be trained to clean its own litterbox, too.

I think they're trying to tell me something.

Every second or third email sitting in my junkmail folder is advertising weight loss pills, or something of the sort. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was a hint… Stupid junkmail.

The things you find in your referer logs.

Apparently I got refered by the Photonic Eye, a photoblog who's author I… uh… don't know, and who's blog I never even heard of until about 2 minutes ago. Ah well. If I can give a nod to people who drop me a line while they're supposed to be pretending to work, I can give this guy a nod too. Even though said photoblog is about 95% useless to me. But someone might as well enjoy it. =)

So that's how you catch people's attention.

Who'd of thunk it? Write a post about the shuttle launch on Saturday, and 2 days later, get a visit to the site by someone from NASA. Now *that* is targetted viewing, even if unintentional.

My Life is A Drama Free Zone

Dare I go back to Live Journal?

Oh nos!

Peoples should update their blogs.

Now there's a random search woops.

This blog turns 2 today!

Bad things happen when you can't sleep.

Canadians interested in a US election?

This is where I check out.

Would *you* pay to tube?

And sometimes, you just have to be amused.

You know you're from Pembroke when...

Edit: oops.

This guy's on more crack than certain relatives!

WARNING:

Edit:

Search term randomness?

My Senators hatred has reached england!

Note:

Hard to believe, but I changed it up a little just last night.

I just made this company $500.

because 2 weeks is long enough.

Why...

Now there's a baseball game I'd love to watch.

My cable versus satelite predicament or: the only truely evil thing about living in ottawa.

Things I didn't know: She's a year older than me?

Oh. Damn.

Warning:

You've received a postcard from a family member!

He's a vulcan, that simple!

Happy June! 'N such.

You know when you're from ottawa when...

Just how awesome is my boss?

Getting things done on my own schedule could be a bad thing.

Hey look, an update!

... Oh my shit.

Insanity: my life summarized.

Things I didn't have time to blog about, a list by me.

I get way too much email.

Training shifts, they are a killer.

And on that note...

Writing tips, for the aspiring author in you.

Does somebody maybe kinda wanna tell me why?

Essays on blindness, and other random things.

Nothing to say here. Move along.

The things we talk about on a Saturday afternoon...

How'd that happen?

Good news, bad news, obvious news...

I've found me a new toy!

Update:

Wherein I discover I am influencial.

The guys' rules...

But I don't *get* nervous...

This should not amuse me as much as it does.

Wherein I learn I still have good timing.

Things you learn whether you want to or not...

Wil Wheaton says it best.

Well, it would seem I was right.

And now, cat alergies are no excuse.

I think they're trying to tell me something.

The things you find in your referer logs.

So *that's* how you catch people's attention.

Would you pay to tube?

But I don't get nervous...

So that's how you catch people's attention.